On Getting Better with Age

It seems that we spend most of our childhoods wanting to reach that golden age of 21. 

We think that older people can do everything we can't do.  They can drive (at 16), and vote (at 18), and drink alcohol (at 21).  Because of all these milestones, we long to be older; that is, until we reach that milestone of 21 and there are no more "fun" restrictions to overcome.  After 21, or 25 (when you can go on a cruise on your own), there are no more restrictions to what we can do with our lives.  We can do what everyone else can.  And for some reason, when we reach that point of being able to do everything we've always wanted, we feel sad.  Then, we wish were younger, 21 again, or even younger.  We envy the younger generation, and their youthfulness, and their vitality. 

As someone who has passed those milestones in life, it has occurred to me that, for some reason, they are particularly upsetting when passed.  How dare people think I'm an adult.  Like the times when someone calls me ma'am, or when they don't ask for my i.d.  I often wonder, why is it that when it comes to age, I am fine with my age but when it comes to other people, I don't want to be perceived as old?  I wish it were possible just to be happy with who I am, age and all.

When I was younger, I never cared how old I was.  In fact, children often want to be perceived as older, more mature.  That's why they will tell you proudly they're five and a half.  You never hear an adult tell you they're 40 and a half.  They wouldn't say that, let alone want to admit they're 40. 

And yet, as I was telling my friend, who keeps harping on the fact that she's so very old (she's not), that in the context of the world, we are very young, and will always be very young.  After all, the world is millions of years old.  Buildings, institutions, governments are much older.  And in all the years of the world's existence, how much of it will we get to appreciate in our lives, which is just a blot in the grand scheme of things?  Yes, if you think you are the center of the universe, you may consider yourself old.  But if you really consider the universe, you will never be old.  The universe scoffs at anyone who says they're old. 

You are lucky, is what you are.  You are lucky to have lived so long that you can even deem yourself old.  I wonder when people say they are old, if they were facing death's door if they would still think they were old?  I doubt it.  Because we all seem to think we are too old to do anything, but too young to die. 

And as I told my other friend, it's not like younger people think they're young.  Not at all.  They think they're old.  They just might think that you're older.  And really, how you feel about your age is in context of who you hang out with.  If you're with older people, you'll feel younger, and vice versa. 

I was watching an episode of "Friends" the other day and it made me realize the extent to which we skew our views towards youth.  In that episode, Joey was going to try out for an audition in which he played a 19 year-old character.  And when his friends seemed incredulous that he could play a 19 year-old, Joey got somewhat defensive and tried to prove that he could, with hip clothes and such.  It didn't work, of course, but the point of the show hit home for me.  And that was that, we are always trying to get people to think we're younger, when in fact, being perceived younger, isn't necessarily a compliment.  And also, our obsession with youth is largely of our own creation.  The young don't know that they should be obsessed with being young.  They're too busy learning all the ins and outs of life to realize they've got it so good (so older people think).  But since we keep telling them, and everyone, that being younger is better, it becomes a stronger and stronger conviction until we actually get everyone to believe it's true, even though it's not wholly true. 

Being perceived younger isn't actually a compliment, really, if you think about it.  It might be nice that people think your face still retains some sort of youthful exuberance, but in reality, your face isn't the only factor in how people judge your age.  They judge it by your attitude.  If you act younger, ie. more immature, people will think you're younger.  I remember when I was getting on a public bus in college, and the bus driver yelled at me that I should have gotten a high school bus pass.  After my initial shock that he had yelled or even cared enough to yell, I blurted out, "I'm not in high school.  I'm in college."  For which mistake he felt embarrassed, and started being nice to me.  But the funny thing was that even though I felt somewhat flattered that he thought me younger than I was, I also felt somewhat insulted that he thought I was younger than I was.  And actually the first thought that popped into my mind when he said that was, "Do I look that stupid?"  Seriously, I was rather insulted.

A few days ago I was thinking that perhaps I should look at youth and aging differently, change my own perspective so to speak, since I myself have been buying into this youth-obsessed culture that hasn't turned out many positive images and some rather tragic disfigurements.  What I realized was that there's a reason that younger people look the way they do and why we are so attracted to younger people's faces.  It's because evolutionary-wise, they need more help.  Younger, inexperienced people need more help for just that reason - they're inexperienced.  So their faces look more attractive to us.  That way we'll be more likely to help them.  Like babies.  Imagine if younger people were uglier to us, would we be as compelled to help them?  I think not.  So evolutionary-wise, this youthful look gets us more help from the older people around us. 

The thing is, however, that as people get older, they still crave this feature off themselves that aroused others to help them.  It's like a drug.  And once the magic wears out, they feel bitter and sad, craving the attentiveness they used to inspire.

The real question they should ask themselves, however, is, "Do I really need that attention?"  The beauty of getting older is that you don't just get older, you get wiser.  And with your newfound wisdom, you will indeed need less help from the people around you because your experiences have already taught you what you need to learn.  Therefore, you could look at age not as that you're just getting older, but that you're getting more independent and smarter. 

In my mind, the real root of the youth-obsessed culture comes not from the young but from the old who want to be young again.  If they could just take their age and be proud of it, and throw it back in the face of the young, they could be happy.  Young people can be arrogant and ignorant as young people will, but one day, they will be old too (and probably if they were so arrogant as youths, very bitter).  No one stays young forever.  One day they will be just as old as you, and they will understand.

The solution I propose, is a question of semantics.  But words often mean a great deal.  And so I propose that instead of saying I am so-and-so years old, we say instead, I am "so-and-so years smart and independent."  Or if you want to be really proud of your age, "I'm so-and-so years better."  After all, having the experience of so many years is not a curse, it's a blessing that we all wish for.