In my previous post ("No Way Out - On Suicide & Mass Killings"), I said that we must not forget that we live for others, but also that, we can't only live for others. We need to live for ourselves too. It seems, however, with the advent of popular social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter, that living for others is exactly what we are doing.
I actually thought about this topic when Miley Cyrus (yes, Miley Cyrus!) caused a big uproar when she suddenly and abruptly canceled her popular Twitter account. I read an article about the rap she did to explain why she canceled it, and what she said was actually very insightful. She said that she wanted to start living in the moment and stop living for other people. And when she said that, I thought, "Wow, this girl is on to something." She realizes that whenever she tweets about her pimples or about her problems, she's not living in the moment, but rather trying to get the approval of millions of people she doesn't know. She's trying to get their approval that her pimple is ok. And finally when she really dug deep and thought about it, she realized that she was living for other people's approval instead of for her own.
And that when online social networking becomes a problem because you start to think that every little thing that happens to you is important in some way to other people, and that they need to know it in order to connect with you more, in order to like you more. You aren't full as a person without other people to tell you you're ok. What Miley said made me realize that a lot of people are living like this now, people I know too. And I liked Miley more for her statement because I realized that she had put into words my disdain for these social sites.
My experience with online social networking began a few years ago with MySpace. I used to have an account until I canceled it, and that was after two years of inactivity. I couldn't stand MySpace because you had to put out so much of your personal information out there, like your relationship status, and then whenever you last logged on, it time-stamped it so that everyone would know. It was like Big Brother watching you. At least for me, I'm a really private person.
When I had already stopped signing in, MySpace made a push to become more like Facebook with instant updates, and they would email me these updates of what my "friends" were doing. And the thing was, my friends were doing everyday things like going to Starbucks or getting their car fixed, and yet they felt they needed to share this information with the world. I guess I just don't get it. Why do some people feel the need to tell others the personal minutiae of their daily lives? I could just as soon write, "Cleaning cat poop. Not fun! :P" But why? I don't care to share that, but a lot of people do.
I guess the question is: What is wrong with me? Why don't I want people to know I'm cleaning cat poop at the moment I'm cleaning it and that it's not fun? Wouldn't it be nice for someone to feel sorry for me and write something supportive? I guess. But it feels to me like that would be trying to get someone's approval. Like there is some deep-seated void in me that I think needs to be filled by connecting with other people via an impersonal medium, without having to connect face-to-face.
My other problem with Facebook and all those other social networking sites, is that it can be so fake. It leads people to be fake too. I once read an article (yes, I read a lot of articles) about this guy who wanted to test the strength of his Facebook "friends" by inviting all 1,000 plus of them to a party. Well, about 200 or so people said yes or maybe. So the guy decorated and bought food and alcohol for 200 people, and he waited and he waited. And in the end, one girl showed up. One girl. Out of 200, out of 1,000 so-called friends, leaving him to conclude that Facebook "friends" are not really friends after all. At least not dedicated ones.
That's the thing. Even with MySpace I noticed it. People would just "friend" you just to "friend" you. They didn't want to really be your friend or know what was going on in your life. They just wanted you to be their friend so that their friend count would rise. And while I must admit it was really nice when people I used to know back in the day found me and wanted to be my "friend," I found it rather off-putting when they didn't even send me a message of "Hello, how are you?" or anything. They just wanted the extra point on their list. Some people collect thousands of friends and they're called "collectors" because that's what they do. They collect friends like baseball cards because they find some sort of validation in having other people see that they have lots of "friends."
And while I understand the need for movie stars and celebrities to want to have a massive following - since that's the way they make their living, through their fan base - I remain befuddled as to why the average person needs this amount of attention. Are they trying to vicariously be celebrities in their own rights?
The other reason social networking lends itself to phoniness is because whenever you write a friend a comment that everyone you know can read, there is a filter that it passes through that it wouldn't normally pass through if you were just say, chatting with your friend. When you know the whole world can read whatever it is you are writing to each other, you tend to write in a way so that you appear a certain way - more enthusiastic, more supportive, more racy. And in a way, you have to because you know that other people are reading and they'll form opinions of you based on what you write. So you feel the need to craft an image of yourself that you want people to see and believe. But is it the real you? Is it truly you or is it you trying to please others?
If you really think about it, social networking is not about connecting socially. It's about becoming more self-involved, thinking that every little thing you do matters to other people. After all, when you seek others' approval, it's not because you care about them. It's because you care about what they think about you.
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