The "Thank God I'm Alive" Effect

Today I had the weirdest (or should I say craziest) thought when I woke up.  It wasn't a dream because it made me completely forget whatever dream I was having.  It was an idea and an intense realization of it. 

The thought I had was of skydiving, and how immensely terrifying it must be to jump off a plane 30,000 feet in the air.  I see people doing it all the time on TV, know people who have done it, and have toyed with the possibility that once I have racked up enough courage I may one day do it; but no, once I had this vivid visualization, I realized this is not something I want to do. 

The image that suddenly came to me was that if I were in a plane (in a plane!  I'm scared just being in a plane miles up in the air, with the doors closed!)  I would be way too frightened to jump off it thousands of feet down.  I could imagine how I would feel if the doors were open, the air rushing through violently, the noise of it beating at my eardrums.  And the height.  Oh, the height!  Of seeing all those things on the ground as teeny tiny dots.  And the thought that I would be jumping into it, falling, falling, falling.  And someone on the plane telling me to jump.  Jump?!  NOOO Way!  Are you crazy?  Why would I jump?  Why??? 

Why would I jump off a plane miles off the ground?  Other people do it, and they survive.  But I can't.  I don't think I ever could, now that I really think about it.  It's not because I don't think I would survive.  I think most likely I would.  Most people do.  It's not even the fear (although it's a big factor), because I like overcoming fears -- it makes me feel masterful.  And that would be a great fear to overcome.  It is just that, why would I scare myself like that?  For the thrill?  But what good would it actually do me?

That is where I came up with the idea for this post today.  The "Thank God I'm Alive" Effect, the reason why we do such crazy outlandish things, risk life and limb is for the feeling at the end of "I overcame, I conquered, Thank God I'm Alive!"  But how long does that effect really last?  And does it change you profoundly as a person?  Does it make your life better to have done it?

When I was a kid, I used to walk to the library myself.  It was only two blocks from my home.  One time, as I crossed the street, I hadn't looked both ways (I know, shame on me).  There was a crosswalk, but no stop sign for the cars to know to stop.  Having driven now I realize that that's a dangerous situation for a pedestrian.  Anyway, as I skipped across the street unaware, I suddenly heard the screeching of car tires and turned to see three vehicles stopping before me.  The van that was right before me was inches (and I mean, inches) from me.  I was face to face with its grill and it was higher than me.  And the lady in the van yelled to me in a concerned but admonishing tone, "You're lucky I didn't hit you!  You need to watch out!"  To which I then went right on walking along thinking how lucky I had been.  And that was it. 

I mean, I was a child, and I still recall the incident and think about it from time to time.  But did it really have any lasting effect on who I became?  I don't know.  But I know this, I have known people who have gone skydiving, and you would never know it to look at them.  It doesn't seem to have changed them or their lives to great effect.  It hasn't made them happier, more appreciative, more full of life like you might imagine.  My coworker, in particular, who herself admitted she was on the shy side, had told me she thought that the experience would change her, and that's why she did it.  But after she did it, it was done, and there was no lasting effect from it. 

And so it makes me wonder:  all these risks that we take -- the drugs, the life-threatening adventures -- to get a thrill.  Is it really worth it?  Once the thrill is gone, then what?  Or do different people react differently to life-threatening experiences?  Do some people just take it in stride?  Or does the very nature of taking such risks lead only to contentment?  Once the risk is gone and overcome, it is almost forgotten.  We only feel the fear when it is before us.  But when it is after us, it goes away, and so does the appreciation we felt at that moment we survived death.

There was a really great Simpsons episode in the beginning about this very topic.  In it, Homer thinks he's going to die.  His family had gone to a sushi restaurant and Homer, being Homer, had ordered a rare delicacy, a blowfish that had to be cut in the right areas or would turn out poisonous.  The chef of the hour being indisposed with Mrs. Krabapple, one of the underling cooks deigned to serve the dish for Homer.  When the chef found out (after Homer ate it, of course), he deemed that Homer must have been poisoned by the inexperienced cook.  Homer then went to Dr. Hibbert, who told him if he did in fact, eat the poisoned fish, he would die within a day.  And so, Homer, really believing he would die, wrote up a list of what he wanted to do on his last day.  He wrote things like see the sunrise, listen to Lisa play the sax, teach Bart to shave, be intimate with Marge.  The day didn't always go as planned -- with him oversleeping and missing the sunrise and ending up in jail at one point -- but for the most part, he had a really wonderful day spending his last remaining moments with the people he loved.  It was a touching episode.  And in the end, he didn't die.  He didn't eat the poison after all.  And when he finds out, he's so excited and grateful, he vows to make the most of his life.  But then the next scene they show him sitting there eating and watching TV, wasting his life away again.  He didn't learn anything. 

It was a great episode.  A great episode.  It was touching, and it really summed up the truth of life.  You appreciate it most at the moment you feel that it might be taken away from you.  But when you are living and going through the motions of life, you forget how lucky you are just to be alive.  You take it for granted.

I suppose the point of this post was me trying to figure out if I really needed to go skydiving to have that appreciation for my life.  But it seems to me, from the people I've met and from other people's experiences, that's not the case.  You forget.  And so, it is not the life-threatening experience you need to change you profoundly (although it does at times), even though that's what the movies tell you.  Years ago, I thought that's what I needed.  But in reality, what I really needed is just what Socrates said, to "Know Thyself."  Meditate.  I know I keep going back to it, but it's true.  Nothing has changed me so profoundly as that simple act.  It's all right there in you, and yet we keep seeking the answer everywhere else but inside ourselves. 

Will I ever go skydiving?  Who knows?  Maybe one day when I'm brave enough (or crazy enough).  (Yes, I've changed my absolute no since the beginning of this post.)  But I know I will not do it seeking a life-altering experience.  Seeking a thrill, yes, but not something that will change me profoundly and make me appreciate my life.  I know that that can't be found in one moment of risk-taking.  That takes some deep and serious soul-searching to accomplish, along with a little reminder every day to appreciate everything life has to offer.

Why are Video Games So Addicting?

After playing a video game for nearly three hours just now, I had to ask myself the question, Why are Video Games so addicting?

This, of course, was not the first time I've played a video game, and not the first time I have played for three hours.  Indeed, my longest streak must run close to 12 or so hours non-stop.  It's scary and sad how addicting these games can be for me.  And I do not have an addictive personality.  I rarely get addicted to anything, but for some reason, video games get me.  I can sit there for hours playing the most inane of video games and the time will just fly me by.  And it's not like I have all the time in the world either.  There are plenty of other things that I could be, should be doing.  But perhaps that's the reason I'm not doing them, because I should be doing them; whereas no one ever says you should be playing video games. 

In any case, I thought I would come up with a list of reasons why video games are so addictive.  Here they are:

1.  They're challenging.  They give you a thrill and an obstacle to overcome.  I like that challenge.  And then, each level you overcome, the next one becomes harder and harder and harder.  There is no time to grow complacent.  Just when you think you are getting good, the levels get more and more difficult, forcing you to try harder and harder, and to concentrate all your mental skills and energy into defeating that level.  But once you overcome that level?  Especially one that is particularly trying and difficult and took you countless attempts?  Ah, what joy!  You hardly get such a high in life.  In life, the challenges don't come so steadily, but in spurts.  And in the spaces between, there are lulls that can bore you.  Not so in games.  Games are constantly entertaining, constantly keeping you on your toes, keeping you alert. 

2. They reward you with points.  What is it about imaginary numbers that grow that make you want to keep playing, keep growing the numbers bigger and bigger?  We all know those numbers don't exist and don't represent anything, but when we're playing, the numbers matter for some reason.  We want them to go higher and higher, even though as soon as we reach the highest point possible, we let it go, and forget.  At least I do.  It's positive reinforcement at it's strongest, I suppose.  In life, you don't get rewarded for everything you do, at least not so substantially and immediately.  If you eat fruit and vegetables every day for a week, you don't get any points that tell you you're doing something good for your body.  You get a healthier body for sure, but you don't get to see the effects of it until some time down the road, and even then, it's not always such a direct correlation as a points system allows a game to be. 

3.  They concentrate on one area.  Ok, so the game I was playing for three hours today was Cake Mania 2.  It allows you to have your own bakery, where you serve cakes that you bake and decorate to customers.  And each time you make enough money, you can shop for items to update your shop.  The shopping aspect is what does it for me.  There is such a direct correlation with making money and being able to buy better and better appliances.  For some reason, this makes me really happy.  In real life, the correlation is much looser.  There are bills and taxes to pay too.  You don't get to keep all your money to spend on baking supplies.  That's because, in life, there are so many other things to consider.  In a game however, you get to escape to a world that is just focused on one thing: your bakery.  You make money for it and you buy stuff for it.  That's it.  It is simple and focused, and that is a very nice place to escape to.

4.  They let you live vicariously through their characters.  They're sort of like reading a story, I suppose.  You get to be someone else -- a baker, a soldier, a princess.  They give you experiences you wouldn't get to have in your normal day-to-day life, especially if you just want to test out these experiences, and not really live them out.  And you get to do things, like run a bakery, be in a gun battle, race a car, without the real-life consequences of doing them.  In real life, you can go bankrupt, get injured, or die.  In a game, you get to live the experience without getting hurt by it.  And you get to do what you crave to do, and channel that desire of yours, which can only make you so very happy.

5.  They make you feel good about yourself.  For some reason, a silly little game -- any silly little game -- can make you feel good about yourself, once you've beaten it.  It feels like some sort of accomplishment, that you overcame something that you weren't sure you could, and proved yourself.  It's a nice feeling of satisfaction whenever you win and overcome.  In life, we don't always get such outright chances to win and feel that thrill and satisfaction of success.  But in a game, we can get that thrill, we can get that high.  And it's really nice to have. 

So now that I've written this list, I understand why I and so many other people will play a game for hours and hours on end.  It's an instant sense of reward, an instant sense of gratification that comes through overcoming challenging obstacles.  To put it simply, it just makes you feel really happy with yourself.