Seeing What You Want to See

I had an argument with my friend over just this topic, so of course now it is my post for the day.

Our argument began with him saying how Americans are always trying to point out the differences between people and how prevalent that idea is in the media.  In some way or form, Americans are always trying to point out, "You're different."  That was his absolute opinion.  My argument was that Americans are not the only ones who do that.  Every country, every culture, every people do that.  Everyone discriminates.  If not race, we discriminate on class, culture, religion, gender, sexual preference.  Everyone does this.

My friend did not agree, however.  He was trying to aver that only Americans do it to such a high degree, that other countries aren't so bad.  "You don't find it in other countries."  And I said, "No, that's not true."  And I pointed out how I met a black man in Germany, an educated man working hard to pay for school, who said that if he applied for an apartment, he would be turned down as soon as they saw him.  And of course, my friend dismissed this story because it happened in Germany, a place known for Nazis.  But I told him Germany was trying to change their image precisely because of that; and yet, there is still that racism.  Of course, he would not listen, and kept declaring that other countries were not like America in their discrimination.  And I kept declaring that, "Yes they are!  I have been to other countries!"  At the time I thought of Madonna and how she was trying to get out word about the discrimination of the gypsies in Europe, which in the heat of argument, I couldn't get out.  And now I can think of a great argument which I didn't think of back then, which was that when my other friend and I went to Europe, we were commonly mistaken for Japanese tourists (which we are not), and sometimes subjected to Japanese words as if we understood.

But my friend wouldn't listen, falling back instead on the argument that Americans and white people are the most discriminating people in the world.  In my thinking, anyone who is in power would be the same, because everyone wants to think they are and be better than everyone, and it would be to their benefit to do so.  But my argument was falling on deaf ears and pretty soon, frustrated, I said, "I'm not going to argue with you anymore.  You don't listen.  You just want to be right.  You want to see the world the way you want to see it."

I thought that was it, but then he became flustered at and adamantly denied my new reasoning (because he believes his view of the world is the one true, right one).  And I shot back, "You see what you want to see.  If you want to see it, it's going to be there."  He couldn't believe the idea that just because he wanted to see something, it would be there.  He is of the mind, as so many other people, that it has to be there for him to see it.  And I said, to continue my new argument, that "It's like the Bible.  The Bible will say something, and two people will interpret it differently, and both of them will think they're right.  And what is right?  Who knows?"  But he wouldn't listen to that argument either, opting instead to say that if he saw things the way he wants to see them, he could just as easily say that I ignored things (notice he didn't say, that I saw things the way I want to see them.  Mmhmm.).  That statement annoyed me, but I wasn't about to go on fighting anymore, especially when his girlfriend, my friend, told us that we were both wrong, and that both our arguments made no sense.  That annoyed me too, but I figured she just might be trying to end our argument, which was just fine with me.

I am perfectly willing to admit that I see the world the way I want to see it.  Is it the real world?  Who knows?  Is there a real world?  Who knows?  And who can ever prove it?  It doesn't mean I am wrong.  It doesn't mean I am right.  It just means I see a part of the world I want to see.  It's like looking at a rose, I thought, pretty soon after this argument.  I could see a rose and see its beautiful red petals and admire it, and my friend there would see that it has thorns.  Are we both right?  Yes.  Do we both see a part of the truth?  Yes.  But I like the part of the truth I see better. 

It is so mind-boggling to me, even though I've read books that have made me aware of it recently, that so many people (so many people) believe that the world they see is in some way the "real world."  Although, I was probably in the same boat as them just a few years ago.  But I also have held, for the most part, a somewhat different view from other people I knew, which I can only attribute to, as a child, reading so many books.  So it came as great enlightenment to me to realize that my version of the world wasn't the be-all end-all version of the world.  And it didn't have to be.  And I'm fine with that.  It actually takes a huge weight off my shoulders.  It surprises me then, whenever other people seem to think that it is, and when I enlighten them of this knowledge, how they fight it.

I suppose, however (if I really think about it), that the reason they do fight it so passionately (as my friend did), is because I am disrupting a very core belief of theirs, one perhaps rooted in making up their life and identity:  that they see the world as it is, how it really is.  And saying that they don't, is not an idea to be borne with -- at least not at the first moment.

And the other thing is, going back to the first argument with my friend, that perhaps the reason why he feels so strongly that Americans are trying to point out your differences, is because he is in America and he, as a minority, feels different.  You feel different, and that's why you feel (or fear!) that everyone is trying to point out your differences.  And so you see all the ways that people do that, real or imagined.  But the argument I wanted to make to him (that I wasn't able to get out) was why is being different such a bad thing?  Why do you have to see it as a bad thing?  Maybe it's good to highlight differences.  That's what the news highlights anyway.  Different stories, different people.  Not the same stories, not the same people.  That would be tedious and unbearable.

Why do I have to be so logical?  Because I want to understand.  And for that I need to take myself (my ego) out of the equation, so I can see the world from other people's points of view.  Because we don't all see the world the same way.  If we did, we probably would never fight. 

As it is, we all see the world the way we want to see it.  Sometimes fear colors it, sometimes the need to be happy -- but we all only see it through our own eyes and interpret it as we want.  Just look at Pat Robertson, and his horrible comments about the Haiti earthquake.  Obviously, the way he wants to see the world is that God is punishing people (even innocent people) for all the terrible sins of others.  Well, that's his world and his God, the way he wants to see it.  Is it right?  A lot of people would say no.  But you can bet he believes his world is the "real world," just like everyone else.