Controlling Dog People

I was at PetsMart the other day and saw the most adorable kitten for adoption.  She was some sort of tabby mix I believe although her tag labeled her as a tortie.  The best thing was that she seemed to like me too, even though I was just a stranger staring at her from behind the glass.  She kept gazing at me, and followed me behind the glass.

Well, I went on with my shopping of litter for my other kitties, and when I passed by again we both gave each other a longing look as though we knew it was meant to be between us.  (Yes, I am very romantic that way).  But alas, it was not to be.  I could not afford to take her in.  But she was the first kitty to make me really wonder, if I could afford to have another, would I adopt her?  That would make it three cute little kitties in my household.  And I thought, if I could afford it, I would take her.  I could be a crazy cat lady.  And at that moment, I could understand what went through the minds of crazy cat ladies.  Kitties are so adorable and if you could afford to give one a home, why not?  They deserve one.

And so then I understood crazy cat ladies.

But what does this have to do with the title of my post, you ask?  Well, the thought occurred to me today as I had been thinking of that cute little kitty in the window for some time, and about being ok with being a crazy cat lady, "Why did I have to be a crazy cat lady"?

I know that there is that stereotype out there, and there are in fact some women who have way too many cats.  There is even a crazy cat lady on The Simpsons (she's rather endearing in her own way, I think), and a documentary about crazy cat ladies.  Everyone knows they exist, and I don't dispute that point, but why is it that any female who decides to adopt a kitty (one kitty, mind you, or maybe two) gets hit with that eventual question, "Uh oh, are you going to become one of those crazy cat ladies?"

I was surprised when I adopted my first kitty and my roommate hit me with this inquiry.  First of all, I had never even thought of having any more than just one cat, and second of all, it was the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard.  Crazy cat lady?  For one cat?  "That's how it starts," she said.  My sister as well, when she adopted her two kitties, two brothers, was hit with that same question.  And as I thought more about it today, I got more and more annoyed (as happens when you think long enough about something that annoys you).  How dare that people should imply that just by owning a few kitties, I could turn into some crazy woman?  And I was even buying into their idea, by acknowledging by owning a few kitties I would be a crazy cat lady.  I was humbled and irked at the thought that I had allowed myself to buy into such prejudice and believe it to be true.

And so I came up with revenge.  Yes, revenge!  Because most of the time the people who are quick to ask if you will be a crazy cat lady are dog people (my roommate, for one).  And so here is where the title of my post and my revenge come in.  I began to think of labels I could attribute to people who own dogs because they're not all perfect themselves, I'll tell you that.  Of course, my first thought was of those angry men who own crazy pit bulls who attack and kill people.  "Angry Dog Man," I thought.  But no, that didn't seem to work.  And then I thought I hit on it, "Controlling Dog Person."  Yes, "Controlling Dog Person."

How so, you ask?

Well, let me give you a skewed view of dog people (as they skew the view of cat people).  Dog people need to have control.  That is why they like dogs.  Dogs obey you and listen to you.  That's why people who only like dogs don't like cats.  Cats don't obey you, they don't listen to you.  They do just as they please.  But to cat people, that is not a fault but rather the biggest charm of cats.  Like children you watch them do what makes them happiest and every day they teach you something about how to enjoy yourself and life.

But I digress.  Back to the Controlling Dog Person.  So, since dogs are more obedient and dog people like them for that trait, I could say that what these people really wanted was to be able to control their dogs.  And if they want to control their dogs, they must want to control other aspects of their life, and in general (stereotypically) be controlling people.  After all, we can all picture some hard-ass grouch yelling at his dog to obey (that's controlling and demanding).  I've seen a homeless young man (probably crazy!) with two big sweet dogs that he screamed at and kicked, and the dogs just took it, and I felt terrible for them.  Also, if you think about it, some of the most controlling people you know own dogs, or want to own a dog.  At least, in my experience and view.

Thus, this is the moniker I came up with, "Controlling Dog Person."  But this is not to say that I believe that all dogs are obedient, or that all people who own dogs are controlling, because they're not.  But when you're trying to make up a stereotype that you can use to disparage dog owners, you need to cut out all the extra gunk that doesn't fit into the generalization you're trying to make (i.e. crazy cat lady).  That's how you make a good stereotype. 

So that is the story of how I came up with my ultra-cool, ultra-hip new stereotype, "Controlling Dog Person."  Now whenever someone I know gets a dog, I'm going to say to them, "Watch out!  You don't want to become one of those Controlling Dog People."